going to work

My bus is late and i'm feeling empty. I have hopes and reservations about a closer friendship with her. i might lose that exciting feeling you get when you don't know someone well. That electrifying mystery. She has that. Once you do get to know someone ugly aspects reveal themselves. Maybe it's my ugly parts are what worry me.

Severe braking and now my ipod has a scratched face. ouch. my heart pangs. buses are crap sometimes. i must admit that when a bus that takes all the simple minded and/or old people to bingo passed me i was mildly warmed. a cheap thrill. The big, orange, autumnal sun is setting between the Millennium Dome and Canary Wharf. A crisp 10 pound note is sucked into the machine and 8 pounds is returned. I'm fare evading again. tut tut.

New people are great. that original flush of intrigue and curiosity. Sometimes i think i should like to keep some people at this stage. It's nice to imagine what a relationship with them might be like. but unfortunately it’s tainted by an uncontrollable desire to meet and talk to them and to have them fulfill or displease your expectation of them. Usually, the reality is they are disappointing to your over-imaginative expectations. It's probably not their fault. Maybe our imaginations are more complimentary and generous to a beautiful stranger than we realise. i think that is 'Hope'. i wonder if i'm ever thought of with such high hopes. i wonder if i could be a beautiful stranger. Why do so many people, including myself, fail to live up to the level of perfection? When they do its astonishing and almost unbelievable...maybe intimidating?! i know only 2 people who have ever done that. Still i wonder how accurate my opinion is and whether it's a fantasy because they are both mysteriously distant. Did i keep them distant on purpose?