had it

I tell Katie I love her because sometimes I fuck up and show off and then it seems that I don’t. I briefly feel incessant jealousy when I am loved-minus one. Often, the ones I adore, love someone else more-plus 1. (I cannot change this. I should be used to second place by now, honestly)

Last night I went out dancing with Katie and Hannah and the relentlessly adorable Olivia. She's something else so she fits in just lovely. Hot, dark and smoky. I was in the zone for a good couple of hours. I felt so comfortable and content with the quartet. I wish I could capture this situation and experience in a bottle but my pessimism makes me think that it was just a fortunate combination of factors, all coming together perfectly at the same time. It cannot be recaptured. I shall just have to remember it well. They are each wonderful in their own way. I like to think I have unique relationships with each of them but I couldn’t discriminate. 'Love will tear us apart.' I should have imported Liv’s Interpol album as she raves and I want to. Mutual appreciation of music is the best kind of sharing.

I have just discovered that I have ten days to choose a university. This is not a decision! Overwhelmed-am i serious about this? This makes me feel sick to my stomach