oh such a tragic tale

One day when I was deluded I wrote a letter. It was a very ingratiating letter. Now I think of the words I wanted to say but I couldn't spit out, and I hate them. I wish I could tear and rip that letter up but it's inaccessible. Grossly preserved on somebody's computer.

My body is not happy.

I’m so giddy; my eyes can't keep up with my head. The doctor thought i had a virus or that my brain might be bleeding. The hospital says I’m concussed and exhausted. My vision is fragmented and it makes me nauseous. I’m tired. My vital organs have organised a protest. It’s rejecting my demands to keep up. My body says, for fuck’s sake, no! I won’t work and no, I don’t want food today. It’s giving up on me. We need a reconciliation

Look at them, staying on top. I stare in admiration.
Hannah's so together. I have already gone to pieces. Now I'm not even looking forward to the summer. Don't give me a break because I'm already broken.

accidental cuts

I bit the inside of my cheek and it hurt and bled. I've been saying for months that my face is getting chubbier and that I really need some sensations, so in some sense it was quite a reassuring occurance.

tummy says gurgle

Last night, as I laid in bed my desperate brain pulsated and my stomach gurgled anxiously. It's so painful. I dreamt of Battenburg.

this is not self-pity

Thought I had it worked out in head and heart somehow, but it's relentlessly confusing and yet I’m still so open. I hate it. I’m like a big exposé but still there are misunderstandings. take me as I am

I'm not original or classic or stunning or perfect or even 'weird' as it has been thoughtlessly suggested... I'm just average and plain. or "too well rounded unfortunately" if I am being self-respected. I’m not kidding myself nor am I complaining.

She's given him eczema because she's so irritating

last night i rinsed some arctic monkeys in the bathroom and the bag of vintage excellence turned up.

I saw katie today and she talked some sense into me and I've decided i have to accept what cannot happen and be glad and in time i'll come to terms with it because i'm a lucky girl. The chase and the desire are often better than the reality so i will stop making the eyes, forget it and go on and so on.

Appalling

Sean called me 'miss attitude.'
Appalling

Adoration beyond comprehension

I was like jam last night. I tried to spread myself between people I adore. I’ve had some misfortunes this week- I think I’ve lost all my vital cards as well as a beautiful bag of clothes. Although I have been bowled over by undeserved gifts and compliments and I cried in the dark because I was so overwhelmed. I don’t play stupid little games. I am genuinely delighted! Why won’t you believe me? I'll make you feel pretty. Maybe you’re right. It is fucking crazy when I’m impulsive and so honest.

We’re just stupid teenagers. Just fucking it up and trying to get back to what we really are.

end of the night

little hah died on me last night. i had to jump start it. crushed.