it's just one phase after another

I have profoundly warm feelings towards Hetson J and Hetson T. "I bet you can't wait to go to America," said Hetson T. I'm looking forward to the restaurant doggie bags. I'm going to survive on leftovers. Mostly I feel fine but some people are concerned about my emotional state of mind. I'm just trying to work things out for myself. It's just one phase after another. I said, "I thought I saw you but upon closer inspection it was a random man with an Afro." Hetson T replied "so you've got me on the brain then?" "Seemingly" I said.

"Don't my kisses please you right?" they might say

it was an intense day

i went up to Manchester today-to Salford Uni's open day. The introductory video opened with New Order's 'Regret'-excellent! On the train through Milton Keynes, Macclesfield etc, I saw much affirmative action farming. Cows and sheep together, oh and little lambs that made me laugh out loud to myself (on the way there and back). I liked Manchester and I was very tired when I got home in time for desperate housewives. It's strange not talking to anybody all day. It made me loopy-giggly and smiley

Harsh tongues and then sore egos. Confused scowls at whiney tones.
Nothing that cigarettes and alcohol can’t solve.

had it

I tell Katie I love her because sometimes I fuck up and show off and then it seems that I don’t. I briefly feel incessant jealousy when I am loved-minus one. Often, the ones I adore, love someone else more-plus 1. (I cannot change this. I should be used to second place by now, honestly)

Last night I went out dancing with Katie and Hannah and the relentlessly adorable Olivia. She's something else so she fits in just lovely. Hot, dark and smoky. I was in the zone for a good couple of hours. I felt so comfortable and content with the quartet. I wish I could capture this situation and experience in a bottle but my pessimism makes me think that it was just a fortunate combination of factors, all coming together perfectly at the same time. It cannot be recaptured. I shall just have to remember it well. They are each wonderful in their own way. I like to think I have unique relationships with each of them but I couldn’t discriminate. 'Love will tear us apart.' I should have imported Liv’s Interpol album as she raves and I want to. Mutual appreciation of music is the best kind of sharing.

I have just discovered that I have ten days to choose a university. This is not a decision! Overwhelmed-am i serious about this? This makes me feel sick to my stomach

My Friend Niké

With simply friendly intentions I say "you can come back to mine if you want." Then we are laying there, side-by-side, positive tension. “I have cold feet” I say piercing a moment of awkward silence. I stretch out and fall asleep quite comfortably but I do notice the lack of space on my side of the bed and pretend not to. In the morning I felt I should have apologised for the lack of cuddles. He pretends he’s not disappointed.

i'm sick

I’m sniffly, wheezy and sneezy. All blocked up. But I want to say ‘I love you’ and mean it today. My congestion has me confused. I want to clear it out but I know too well, the pain that will follow. Should I go to bed and see how I feel tomorrow. How does ‘I loved you yesterday,’ sound? I don’t feel right. With a bit of luck, I’ll make a quick recovery.

my party

I threw a PaRtY yesterday and wore a skirt that went 'swish' when I moved. Everyone was lovely. The music was eclectic but delightful and the multiple jellies were devoured. Over estimated a couple of guests. Thought they could handle themselves and was wrong. Always one, or two I suppose. Bit disappointing but, other than that, it was wonderful. Everyone burned out pretty fast, but i was up all night talking. i was a grumpy bitch in the morning-my disappointment had progressed. now sober, i was deeply annoyed.