Delirious

Today i feel scared,
scared that i might have depression, anxiety, OCD. i might be a self harmer, an escapist and a realist.
Or... all of the above at the same time!?
i can't see a way out. maybe i need therapy (how pathetic/impotent)
i gave my pret a manger crisps to a homeless bloke today but i didnt feel good about it. i felt ashamed that this was my only pathetic offering to people less fortunate than myself. Then i felt annoyed at the world for being to obnoxious.
this evening i called him out of desperation. bad move. its not what i really want.
sometimes things people say really get to me.
Jeff Buckley-"forget her" is beautiful.
i feel tingly and increasingly disappointed.
im concerned about Joss Stone's ears. i fear they may be deformed as she always has her hair halfway across her face. ears are nice. lobes are silky. are ears not in fashion?
im delirious. straight hair is nice, curly is better
im not in love anymore
goodnight
p.s. Maroon 5 suck my ass everyday

autumn afternoon

i went back to school today. some things have changed.... my form tutor, my timetable, the arrangement of the suite. some things unfortunatly havent.... certain pedantic members of the faculty, my peer's obnoxious behaviour. sometimes my failure to enjoy immature play talk makes me feel inadequate and embarassed. i hope that this feeling will only last as long school does. olivia made me realise that i can count on 1 hand people who i truly enjoy talking to and being in the company of. it made me feel sad for about a minute.
i think my best friend is in need of therapy. thankfully she is on a waiting list. i have not showered yet today. i am meant to write a personal statement for my university application. i dont know what the hell to say as i dont have any hobbies. i enjoy playing top golf. is it wrong to state "keen golfer" ? hahaha. i am staying out of the storm that is my love/sex/intimate/personal life. i think i shall wait for things to blow over or away. that is a sad prospect. i feel cosy in kt's sweater. i like olivia.
hannah is a legend. the sun is shining. smile.